OWN THE KOOP
The following announcement is brought to you by your friendly corporate Chikkin Koop management:
The Universe demands Chikkin.
Flip on a light switch? Charge your cell phone? Bench-pressed a forklift? Drain the grid for the rest of us in the name of your overpriced, fireball-on-wheels electric car? All these and more are made possible by Chikkin Koop: the universally recognized leader in APPLIED CHIKKIN TECHNOLOGIES.
The galaxy’s demand for Chikkin has grown to INSATIABLE levels.
In order to meet the ever-growing strain for more Chikkin – to avert wars, resource protests, rolling brownouts, melting glaciers and bad reruns on TV – Chikkin Koop has deployed its ultimate resource collector: THE CHIKKINIZER.
The Chikkinizer is truly THE BEST MACHINE EVER INVENTED. Anything dropped into it instantly turns into Chikkin! It is YOUR job, as a lowly Chikkin Koop employee, to GET THOSE CHIKKINS.
You have been given a standard-issue Chikkin Koop UFO. Go forth. Anything that is not nailed down must be Chikkinized.
Treasure chests? Chikkinized.
GET THOSE CHIKKINS.
He who generates the most Chikkin will receive the best reward life has to offer: a Chikkin Koop PROMOTION!
Why do you want to be promoted? Because HE WHO CONTROLS THE CHIKKIN CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE.
Thank you for your service to Chikkin Koop, loyal employee. Remember to work hard, work long and go grab those Chikkins!